The Orphan's Prayer

Thoughts from Clinical Psychologist, Dr. Ray Guarendi

Dear Dr. Ray,

What can we say to those who warn us, “Aren’t you nervous about the genetic makeup of an adoptee? After all, you really can’t know.”

Response:

"You can’t know what you’re getting.” Absolutely true, no one can, be it with a birth or an adopted child. Much of the genetic world lies beyond our control, even understanding. Yes, there may be more unknowns in the histories of adoptive children, but how and where those whose unknowns become known is the big unknown. If one wants certainty in life, having a child is not the place to start."

Adoption: Choosing It, Living It, Loving It Pages 43-45
Copyright © 2010, Dr. Ray Guarendi
Servant Books

Dear Dr. Ray,

Some theories say that personality is pretty much established by age five or six. What does that say about adopting kids older than that?

Older Than Six Myself

Before pondering what any such theory might mean for adoption, let’s ask the primary question: Is the theory true? If not, then whatever conclusions it leads to can be ignored.

The idea that personality is settled by the age of five or so has its roots back in the early years of psychology. It started with Freud, and others have since added their own twists to it. Research, experience and common sense have all shown it to be, at the least, incomplete or, at the most, wrong.

Adoption: Choosing It, Living It, Loving It Pages 22-24
Copyright © 2010, Dr. Ray Guarendi
Servant Books

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